There is so much stress around the issue of money, and this is especially true for women who are getting divorced.
And it leads lots of us to say the dreaded words: “I can’t afford it.”
Jackie Pilossoph of Divorced Girl Smiling went through this with her own divorce. But she wants you to remember that you’re not alone, becuase none of us can afford it, No one can afford it because affording something is a choice. Jackie experienced this recently when she booked a trip overseas that she “couldn’t afford” but decided to do anyway. She chose to find the money in her budget.
Now if you’re in a situation where you’re just struggling to pay your mortgage or rent, or you find it difficult to pay for groceries, or the child care bill is trashing your finances…. then the realm of what you can afford is different. The idea of an international trip is out of reach right now and there is no way to find the money for it.
But that’s not the point. The point is that going through an expensive divorce and being tight on money doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to enjoy life. You can still buy yourself things, treat yourself to a nice me, do a quick getaway, etc.
Women very often feel guilty about spending money on themselves, especially when finances are tight. But guilt is an unproductive emotion that doesn’t accomplish anything. All it does is upset you.
If you can’t afford much right now, then the goal is to be able to afford more and give yourself some breathing room. You can do that by earning more, which involves thinking about your longer term job and career prospects. Combine that with a plan to be better at sticking to a budge and saving and investing.
Having been through divorce herself and now working with lots of men and women who are currently going through divorce, Jackie has some advice for improving your mindset around money:
1. Stop feeling guilty. Don’t feel guilty because you’re getting divorced. Instead, acknowledge that divorce is something really hard to go through, and maybe sometimes you deserve to spend a little money on yourself.
2. Ask yourself why you want something and what it means to you, and then wait a few days before spending the money. Sleeping on it can help you make a better decision for yourself.
3. With big purchases like homes, cars, big vacations, talk to your financial advisor about whether or not you can afford it. Your financial advisor is more objective about your money situation and will give you the truth about how the item fits into your budget (or not).
4. Reward yourself. You work hard at work and for your family, sometimes you need to reward yourself. It can help keep you motivated. Even though material things are not the most important things in life, they are also here for us to enjoy and sometimes you should treat yourself.
5. Be creative about where to find money for something you really want. Maybe you have a small savings account you forgot about. Maybe you spend money on a hobby, and you can put the hobby on hold for a few months and use the money for a trip you want to go on. Maybe by saving a small amount each week, you can accumulate the money for something you really want.
6. It’s important to have emergency savings and retirement savings, but don’t wait until you’re too old to enjoy your money. You don’t have to always say “someday.” Maybe today is the day to tap into your savings and use a bit of that money for an adventure you really want to participate in.
Jackie says she’s made both good and bad decisions with money, but she’s not going to beat herself up for the decisions that weren’t so great. She’s going to keep working with her financial advisor, plan for the future, but also treat herself and stop saying that she can’t afford things.
If you need a professional to help you in your divorce and afterward, visit Divorced Girl Smiling and check out Jackie’s list of trusted, vetted professionals.
