If you’re divorcing a narcissist, odds are that you are also the victim of a cheater. Romantic and financial infidelity among narcissistic men is very common. But why do narcissists cheat?
Think of a narcissistic husband like someone wearing a mask. On the outside, he acts like he’s the most amazing person in the world. But deep down inside, many of these men actually feel like they’re not good enough. They’re scared people will discover who they really are. Having affairs makes them feel important and wanted, like getting a gold star sticker that proves they’re special.
It goes back to a character flaws. Narcissists think they’re better than others, and in relationships, they often believe they deserve a “better” partner than the one they have. Narcissists are always on the lookout for a better girlfriend or wife… telling themselves that she’ll be a better match or give him more of what he needs.
How Can You Tell If He’s Cheating?
Shifting blame is another big sign your narcissistic partner is likely cheating. We all know that narcissists are professional gaslighters. When you find something indicative of an affair and confront him, he automatically starts the gaslighting and shifts the blame to you. He’s trying to make you defend yourself so you won’t notice what he’s doing.
Another big clue is how he explains strange things you discover. When you find something that doesn’t make sense and ask about it, he tries to make you feel crazy for even asking. He might have very complicated stories to explain things like:
- Fancy dinners you didn’t attend – “When would I have time to go eat with someone else? You and I ate at (insert restaurant name). You just don’t remember.”
- Jewelry he didn’t give uou – “I bought you jewelry for our upcoming anniversary. Way to go! You ruined the surprise. I’m just going to take your gift back since you don’t trust me.”
- Flowers you didn’t receive – “I sent flowers to a co-worker’s family funeral. I didn’t think I had to ASK your permission to do so. I do make the money, but sure, next time I’ll discuss everything I do with you!”
- Trips you didn’t go on – “I had to put the airfare on my own credit card and will get reimbursed on my expense report. I couldn’t use my company card for this trip because I wanted to upgrade for the long flight.”
These stories might sound possible when you first hear them. They *could* be true in some circumstances. After all, people do buy gifts and send flowers to coworkers sometimes. But deep in your heart, you know when something feels wrong. When his explanations start sounding like a complicated movie plot, trust your gut feeling.
Protecting Yourself
Ultimately, narcissists love playing the victim. They take zero accountability and will often lie to therapists, attorneys, family members, or other people outside of the relationship. Many will even lie to a divorce court judge.
If your husband acts this way, it’s really important to look carefully at your money situation. Men who hide love affairs often hide money too. They might be spending shared savings on their secret relationships or hiding money away for themselves.
Consider taking a deep dive into your finances. Often romantic infidelity will lead to financial infidelity. Protect yourself when divorcing a narcissist.
Remember, you’re not alone in this situation. Many women have faced similar challenges and have come through stronger. While it’s painful to discover your husband has been unfaithful, understanding his behavior patterns can help you make smart decisions to protect yourself during your divorce. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from professionals who have experience dealing with these situations – they can guide you through the process and help ensure you’re treated fairly.
The most important thing to remember is that his behavior isn’t your fault. No matter what he says, you didn’t cause him to be unfaithful. His actions come from his own issues, and you deserve better than to be treated this way.
