We often hear people say women get “rewarded” financially for divorce. Let’s be honest – this is a myth that needs to be busted. Yes, women more often receive child support or alimony payments. But calling these payments a financial “reward” is very wrong.
These payments help cover basic needs for the family after divorce. They pay for food, housing, clothes, and school supplies for the kids. In most cases, these payments aren’t even enough to live on by themselves.
Who Owns What?
The division of assets isn’t any sort of reward during divorce, either. I commonly hear men say “Why does she get half of the house I paid for.” But this view misses something important.
Think about it this way: a marriage is a team. Both people play different but equally valuable roles.
Women often put their careers on hold or work part-time to raise children. This is real work that doesn’t come with a paycheck. Then when divorce happens, we hear, “She didn’t pay for this house” or “She didn’t buy this car.”
But here’s the truth: No matter whose name is on a paycheck, the money earned during marriage belongs to BOTH the husband and the wife.*
It’s OUR Money
When you get married, the money you earn becomes “marital funds.” These marital funds make the mortgage payment. These marital funds buy the groceries. These marital funds pay for vacations. So both husband and wife paid for the house. Both husband and wife paid for the car. They own these things together, and that’s why the value gets split in the divorce.
Women often give up their careers to stay home and raise children. Then when a divorce happens, we hear “she didn’t pay for this” (whether it’s the house, a car, a sofa, or other assets) and an argument is made that the person who was working outside the home owns the assets because “he paid for them.”
Again, no matter whose name is on a paycheck, the earnings are marital funds.* Martial funds belong to BOTH the husband and the wife, therefore, both husband and wife paid for the house. They own the house together, and the value of it will be split in the divorce.
Bad Behavior Doesn’t Change Ownership
Even if someone did wrong things in the marriage (like cheating), the assets still belong to both the husband and the wife. The court divides these assets not as a reward or punishment, but because both spouses legally own them.
Each person should walk away from the marriage with their fair share. This isn’t about feelings – it’s about legal ownership.
Stuff Owned Before Marriage
If one person owned property before getting married, what happens to it depends on where you live.
In some states, that property becomes marital property once you say “I do.” In other states, it stays separate, belonging only to the person who brought it into the marriage.
But be careful! Even in states where pre-marriage property stays separate, things can change based on what happens during the marriage. Maybe you used marital funds to pay for repairs on your house. Or maybe you added your spouse’s name to the deed. These actions can turn separate property into marital property.
It can get complicated fast. This is why having a good lawyer matters.
Housework Has Value Too
Please remember that both spouses make valuable contributions to the marriage.
One spouse might work outside the home and bring home a paycheck. But the household runs because of the spouse at home. The children are healthy, happy, and doing well in school because the spouse at home kept them fed, clothed, and helped with homework. The work of a stay-at-home parent is never ending, and mom doesn’t have the luxury of punching a time clock and being “off duty” when she’s tired.
During divorce, the SHAM’s contributions to the family often get ignored or treated as less important than earning money. But they’re not less important – they’re essential.
The Bottom Line
The division of assets and the payment of support are not “rewards” for divorce. They represent a fair split of what the couple built together, even though the marriage is ending.
Think of divorce as the end of a business partnership. When business partners split up, they divide what they built together. Marriage works the same way.
So next time you hear someone say a woman “got rewarded” in her divorce, remember what’s really happening: she’s receiving her fair share of what already belonged to her.
* – This may be different if you have a prenuptial agreement.
