The issue of child support is often emotionally charged. The person paying child support resents the process and makes the recipient feel guilty. The person receiving child support feels like the money isn’t enough to cover the true costs of the children.
It is important to understand that child support exists to ensure children have the resources they need to grow and thrive, regardless of the parents’ relationship status. Here’s a look at why child support is necessary, how it is calculated, and how women can confidently handle criticism from an ex-spouse regarding this support.
Why Child Support Exists
Child support is intended to help cover the costs of raising a child. The money is meant to help pay for basic necessities such as housing, food, clothing, education, and health care. Your child’s standard of living should not drop just because mom and dad are no longer married.
For many families, child support is vital to maintaining stability and security for the children. Receiving support payments is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it is simply a function of the idea that both parents have a responsibility to financially support the children.
How Child Support Is Calculated
The calculation of child support generally depends on several factors, which vary by state or country. Typically, courts look at both parents’ incomes, the child’s needs, and the custody arrangements to determine a fair amount.
States have specific calculations, often based on income percentages. Additional considerations such as medical or educational expenses of the children may come into play as well. The formulas used by the states are neutral to the parents… neither parent is favored based on gender or any other characteristic. It’s just math.
Child support amounts can change. It’s usually referred to as a “substantial” change when the court is considering modifying child support. The most common substantial change is a different job that significantly increases or decreases one parent’s income.
Beware of the parent who changes jobs to avoid child support payments. Sometimes they’ll change jobs frequently just so the state can’t keep up with them and the garnishment of wages. Other times they get a different job to reduce their income and therefore reduce child support payments. It’s frustrating and tiring to keep up with, and it is unfair that you have to keep going back to court to get them to financially support their children.
Importance of a Court Order
Many families agree to child support amounts outside of court. While it’s good that they can cooperate and come to an agreement on their own, there is still the issue of payment of child support. It is best to have a formal court order, even if you’ve agreed on the amount outside of court. A formal order is legally enforceable so you will be more likely to have reliable financial support.
Without a court order, support can become inconsistent or unreliable, leaving the custodial parent vulnerable. The court order offers you protection and will ensure that you’re not constantly re-negotiating support.
Additionally, you should submit the child support order to your state so that child support payments can be processed by them. Many parents who pay child support do not want to use “the system” for their support payments. But this is also a layer of protection for you. It helps ensure consistent child support payments, and doesn’t force you to chase after your ex for the money.
The Emotional Side of Child Support
If your ex-husband criticizes you for receiving child support, it’s important to remember that the support is not for you personally but for the care and well-being of your child. A good response is to refocus the conversation on your child’s needs. For example, consider saying something like, “Child support is meant to help cover the costs of our child’s upbringing, so they have what they need.”
You may get belittled about what you’re “spending the child support on.” Some ex-husbands love to talk about how you got your nails done or went to dinner using “their” money. We all know that this isn’t true. Child support helps pay the rent, groceries, clothes, and other costs of the children, even if you don’t specifically earmark certain funds for those things.
A continual focus on “the best interests of the children” is one of the best ways to deal with the criticism. But if the negative comments become too frequent or intense, you may have to establish stronger boundaries with your ex.
Just remember that there is nothing shameful about receiving child support. Children are expensive. and both parents are obligated to contribute to their care. If you ever feel bothered by your need for child support payments, remind yourself that you are acting in the best interests of your child, and accepting child support is a responsible and legal choice, not something to feel ashamed of.
Child support is a tool to help meet your child’s needs, and accepting it is your right and responsibility as a parent. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for ensuring that your child has the necessities and resources they deserve.
