It’s a well-known fact that some people try to hide money during their divorce. They will sometimes transfer assets to family or friends, hide cash in safety deposit boxes or even set up offshore accounts, just to try and keep their ex from getting her a share of the marital assets.
While both men and women can and do hide money, more often we see husbands trying to keep money from their wives.
What is “Divorce Amnesia”?
During divorce, some people develop a surprisingly poor memory about financial matters. We call this “divorce amnesia.” It shows up when your spouse conveniently starts “forgetting” about bank accounts, money they’ve earned, valuable items they own, investment accounts, and important business deals.
This isn’t really forgetting – it’s lying. When someone lies about money to their spouse, we call this “financial infidelity.” It’s like cheating, but with money instead of another person.
Why Does This Happen?
Some husbands think they can trick the court system and keep more money for themselves. Even when they get caught, many judges just split the hidden money 50/50, instead of punishing the person who hid it. This makes it worth the risk to try hiding money, since there often isn’t a real penalty for getting caught.
How to Protect Yourself
If you suspect your soon to be ex is hiding money or assets, there are ways to know for sure.
- Seek the guidance of a professional. – Of course, discuss your concerns with your attorney first. Qualified, legal counsel can advise you if it could be beneficial to get a forensic accountant involved who will dig deep into your accounts and overall finances to find financial fraud.
- Review your bank and credit card statements. – Even if you were not the one “in charge” of the marital finances, you may be able to pinpoint erroneous charges, excessive ATM withdrawals, duplicate utility payments. Don’t be ashamed if you trusted your spouse to take care of the money. This is very common and of course you trusted him. You married him and didn’t go into it thinking you would be going through a divorce.
- Check your credit. – A lot of women don’t realize it, but your ex may have gotten accounts in your name that you are unaware of to hide charges for an affair partner. Even if there is nothing suspicious with your credit report, it is always good practice to run your report to know where you stand, so when you are budgeting and planning for life after divorce, you understand your finances.
- Trust your gut. – They don’t call it women’s intuition for nothing. That nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach just may be your best indicator that things are not quite right. You deserve your fair share of the assets and money from your marriage. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Threats, lies and intimidation are common, especially if your husband was the sole “breadwinner” of the family. Stay-at-home moms are more likely to be manipulated into thinking that they don’t “deserve” anything since they didn’t work outside of the home.
This could not be further from the truth. You have rights. You deserve your fair share. You may have put your career on hold to care for your children and the marital home. This is valuable and you are entitled to your share of the assets and money in your divorce.
He might say you’ll never see a penny, threaten to quit his job to avoid paying you, claim you can’t prove anything, say no one will believe you, or insist you’ll end up with nothing. Don’t let these threats deter you. Remember that the law protects your rights, judges have seen these tricks before, and your lawyer will help defend you. There are experts who can find hidden money, and you don’t have to face this alone.
Don’t let your soon-to-be ex dictate what you get or don’t get in the settlement. Get the advice of your attorney and use your detective skills. Truth is the only cure for “divorce amnesia.”
