What is included under the definition of marital money?

Any money earned and any assets accumulated during the marriage belong to both of you. This means the checking account, savings, investments, home equity, cars, furniture, toys…. they all belong to both the husband and the wife.

Think of it this way: Once you’re married, the paychecks belong to both of you, no matter whose name is on them.

The income is marital, so anything purchased with that money is also marital. It doesn’t matter whose name is on a bank account or an asset. It doesn’t matter who “paid for” an asset during the marriage. Everything belongs to both of you.*

* There could be exceptions depending on your state’s laws or if you have a prenuptial agreement. You should speak to an attorney about the details of your situation to get definitive advice on the ownership of assets in your marriage.

You need to know how much was spent on the affair.

Are you ready to play detective with the money? In order to get your money back, you must have proof of how much was spent.

Yes, you might have to go on a fact-finding mission to track down the money that was spent on your husband’s mistress. But depending on how long the affair was going on and how spendy your husband is, there could be a lot of money gone.

Think dinners, hotels, vacations, clothing, jewelry. Anything related to that affair is up for grabs.

Don’t walk away from your money

Understandably, women who are blindsided by an affair are overwhelmed by their emotions.

Often, this leads them to ignore the financial issues related to the cheating. After all, who wants to think about going through account statements to find transactions related to their husband’s infidelity? It can be very painful to see his reckless spending on his mistress or sex workers.

But here’s my advice: Don’t make decisions during your divorce based on emotions. Step back and think about this logically. Would you tell your best girlfriend to walk away from thousands of dollars wasted on an affair? Or would you tell her that she needs to recover that money?

I’ve been through hundreds of divorces with women, and the financial part is often unfair to them. You have ONE CHANCE to get the right settlement in your divorce. I don’t want you to walk away from this money.

Gather the proof of the affair finances

The path to finding proof of how much money was spent by your ex on an affair partner is a long, sometimes mind-boggling journey. Though I can’t promise you will find all of the money, I can tell you that it’s worth looking into.

Now is the time to build your financial case so your attorney will be ready to present the evidence to the divorce court judge and get your money back.

Step 1: Gather Evidence – Bank statements, credit card statements, receipts, emails, text messages, etc. Anything that shows spending money on the mistress is fair game.

Step 2: Talk to Your Divorce Lawyer – Present your findings and plan with your attorney. Have all of the statements, receipts, and other evidence organized so it’s easy for your lawyer to use.

Step 3: Make a Demand for Repayment – Your lawyer can ask your husband to repay the affair money to the marital estate. One of the easiest ways for you to get this money back is by getting a larger share of the home equity or a retirement account. If your husband does not agree, then you’ll have to move onto the next step.

Step 4: Present Your Case in Court – This is where all your work finding evidence of the affair spending will pay off. You will present your evidence to the divorce court judge and ask him or her to order your husband to repay the money.

This is what all the work you did finding the money is for.