Why Narcissists Cheat

If you're divorcing a narcissist, odds are that you are also the victim of a cheater. Romantic and financial infidelity among narcissistic men is very common. But why do narcissists cheat?

It goes back to a character flaws. Narcissists think they're better than others, and in relationships, they often believe they deserve a "better" partner than the one they have. Narcissists are always on the lookout for a better girlfriend or wife... telling themselves that she'll be a better match or give him more of what he needs.

While narcissists like to publicly display their superiority to others, the fact is that many of them actually feel inferior to others and are terrified that people will find out they're not so wonderful. Cheating gives the narcissist "proof" that he is desirable and wanted.

How can you tell if your narcissistic husband is having an affair? A cheating narcissist will often “tell” on himself by accusing you of being unfaithful. This is a diversion tactic to take the microscope off his behavior and put you on the defensive.

Shifting blame is another big sign your narcissistic partner is likely cheating. We all know that narcissists are professional gaslighters. When you find something indicative of an affair and confront him, he automatically starts the gaslighting and shifts the blame to you. For example, you look at his credit card statement and find a few suspect charges, so you ask him about them, and the flow of excuses may sound something like this:

• Fancy Dinners You Didn’t Attend - “When would I have time to go eat with someone else? You and I ate at (insert restaurant name). You just don’t remember."
• Jewelry He Didn’t Give You - “I bought you jewelry for our upcoming anniversary. Way to go! You ruined the surprise. I’m just going to take your gift back since you don’t trust me.”
• Flowers You Didn’t Receive - “I sent flowers to a co-worker’s family funeral. I didn’t think I had to ASK your permission to do so. I do make the money, but sure, next time I’ll discuss everything I do with you!”
• Trips You Didn’t Go On - “I had to put the airfare on my own credit card and will get reimbursed on my expense report. I couldn’t use my company card for this trip because I wanted to upgrade for the long flight.”

These kinds of excuses have some level of plausibility to them. They *could* be true in some circumstances. But you know your husband and you know when things don't seem right. When he tells stories like these and the explanation is too complicated.... you know you're being taken for a ride.

Ultimately, narcissists love playing the victim. They take zero accountability and will often lie to therapists, attorneys, family members, or other people outside of the relationship. Many will even lie to a divorce court judge.

If you find yourself divorcing someone who displays these behaviors, consider taking a deep dive into your finances. Often romantic infidelity will lead to financial infidelity. Protect yourself when divorcing a narcissist.