When you’re preparing for divorce, few decisions will be as important (or as intimidating) as choosing the right attorney. Your lawyer will be the one guiding you through the legal process, helping you negotiate your settlement, and in some cases, standing beside you in court. He or she will also likely be the single most expensive part of your divorce. That’s why this is not a decision you can afford to rush.
For most women, this is completely unfamiliar territory. You’ve never had to hire a lawyer before, much less one who will represent you in something as high-stakes as your divorce. You may not know what questions to ask or how to evaluate whether someone is really a good fit for your case. I’ve seen far too many women hire the first attorney they meet because they’re overwhelmed or because a friend gave them a name. Sometimes that works out. Too often, it doesn’t.
Hiring the wrong attorney can cost you tens of thousands of dollars, drag out your case unnecessarily, and leave you with a settlement that doesn’t protect your future.
So let’s talk about how to do this the smart way.
Why “Bulldog” Lawyers Aren’t Always the Answer
You’ve probably heard people recommend the so-called “bulldog” or “shark” attorneys. These are the ones who promise to be aggressive, cutthroat, and uncompromising. At first, that might sound exactly like what you want and need, especially if your ex is a bully. But here’s the truth: About 95% of divorce cases never go to trial. They settle before reaching a courtroom.
If you hire a lawyer who thrives on aggression, you may find that instead of protecting you, he or she escalates unnecessary conflict, racks up huge bills, and makes it harder for you to reach a reasonable agreement. These types of lawyers can be useful in rare cases where a spouse is extremely high-conflict, but for most women, a skilled negotiator who can firmly advocate without creating chaos is a much better choice.
Always Meet With Multiple Attorneys
No matter how well your first consultation goes, do not hire the first lawyer you meet. You need to interview at least two or three attorneys before making your decision. Each one will have a different style, a different approach to cases, and a different personality.
Think about it this way: You’re going to be sharing some of the most personal details of your life with this person. You’re going to rely on him or her to explain complicated legal issues and to fight for your financial future. If you don’t feel comfortable, if you don’t feel heard, or if something feels “off,” that attorney is not the right fit. Meeting with more than one lawyer gives you the ability to compare and choose the person who is most likely to be the advocate you need.
Go In With Questions
One of the biggest mistakes women make is showing up to consultations unprepared. Divorce consultations are often free, but your time isn’t. These meetings are your opportunity to interview them, not the other way around.
At a minimum, you should ask:
- How much experience do you have in family law and divorce cases?
- How do you typically approach negotiations versus litigation?
- What are your billing practices, and how much will I be expected to pay up front?
- How long do you expect my case to take?
- How will you communicate with me, and how often?
The answers to these questions will tell you a lot about whether this attorney is the right one for you. An attorney who brushes off your questions or makes you feel rushed is not someone who will value your input once the case begins.
Why This Choice Matters So Much
Your divorce settlement will shape your financial life for years. It determines where you live, how you support your children, and how much of your marital assets you walk away with. An attorney who doesn’t prioritize your long-term stability can leave you with far less than you deserve.
And here’s something else you need to know: Attorneys are not all the same. Some will pressure you into quick settlements so they can move on to the next case. Others will run up your bill without moving your case forward. What you need is someone who combines skill with integrity, someone who can balance strength with strategy, and someone who understands that you are not just another case file.
Your Next Step
Finding the right divorce attorney can feel overwhelming, but you do not have to figure it out alone. I created Finding the Right ATTORNEY to walk you through the entire process, step by step.
Inside, you’ll learn how to evaluate your options, what questions to ask, and how to spot red flags before you sign a retainer. You’ll also get my complete list of attorney interview questions, so you’ll never walk into a consultation wondering what to say.
This guide will help you avoid the costly mistake of hiring the wrong lawyer and give you the confidence to choose the one who will truly fight for you.
