Finding out your husband has been cheating is heartbreaking. But learning he used marital money to spoil his affair partner? That can feel like a betrayal on a whole new level. That was YOUR money.
It is possible to recover that money in the divorce settlement, but you need to know how to do it. Here’s how you can start reclaiming those funds:
Step 1: Become a Financial Detective
To recover money spent on an affair, you’ll need solid proof. That starts with digging through your financial records. Look back at 2–3 years of credit card statements, bank statements, and receipts that show the spending. Affair expenses are likely to include things such as:
- Cash withdrawals from the ATM or inside a bank branch
- Spending on hotels, restaurants, or fancy stores
- Purchases like jewelry, electronics, or other expensive gifts
- Travel expenses that don’t make sense
Don’t forget about digital clues! Check email receipts, payment apps like Venmo or PayPal, and even social media posts. These can help you piece together the spending trail.
Step 2: Talk to Your Divorce Attorney
Once you have the evidence, it’s important to sit down with your divorce attorney and go over it. Hopefully, your divorce lawyer has experience handling cases involving infidelity and financial issues. He or she can advise you on how the laws in your state apply to this situation. Your attorney can also help you negotiate a settlement that takes into account the money that was spent on the affair partner.
Step 3: Make a Demand for Repayment
If your attorney believes that it’s possible to recover the money spent on the affair partner, he or she will likely present the numbers to the other side and demand that they repay the funds. You may need to provide your evidence, including the dates and the details of the spending. If your ex won’t agree to repay the money, your next step will be to ask the divorce court to consider the issue and award you money to compensate you for what your husband spent on his affair partner.
Step 4: Know the Rules in Your State
Every state handles affair spending a little differently. Things that could matter include:
- Whether your state looks at “fault” in divorces
- When the spending happened (was it before or after you started splitting up?)
- Where the money came from (joint accounts or your spouse’s personal funds)
- How much the spending hurt your shared finances
Some states might give you a bigger share of marital property to make up for the affair spending, so you want to be ready with the evidence to back you up.
Step 5: Present Your Case in Court
If the matter cannot be resolved through negotiation, it may need to be presented in court. During the trial, you will need to present evidence of the spending and argue why it should be repaid as part of the divorce settlement. Your attorney will also be able to argue on your behalf and advocate for your rights. Be ready to show the court how the affair spending hurt you and your family, and why it is fair to give the money back to you.
The better your case is presented, the more likely you are to recover those funds.
What to Do Next
If you think your husband has spent marital money on an affair, don’t wait. Start gathering your evidence and have your lawyer help guide you through the process of putting things together, making a demand for repayment, and preparing to present the issue in court if you have to.
Recovering money spent on an affair isn’t just about dollars — it’s about fairness and closure. It might take time, but with solid evidence, you could get back a good chunk of what was lost.
